Let me start like this....
I have never been the religious or spiritual type of person. When in desparate times I put my palms together and pray to God for help and guidance and a sign of what I need to do. When I feel like I can't take another breath of life I turn to Him to give me strength. But I do not go to church or think that attending church will make me a faithful believer. I have never read the Bible and, although, I have been baptised into Catholicism I wouldn't claim myself as a real Catholic. At least not by choice.
However, something has happened to me recently that has made me pause a second and take a second glance at God and his purpose and our purpose in life. I have been through some rough patches though I take credit for ALL of it. There are certain things that take part in it all and its been bits of reason to hinder my ability to make better choices. Yet, at the same time I hold the key to MY life. God just helps me turn that key. I could've made better choices. ME.
So, afterwards, I start pointing my finger and blaming Him or blaming the thought that I believed there is a God but "where is He when I need Him". Someone told me today that God is with us every step of the way but he isn't the one that's made that decision for us. We make the decision and he stands by our side, guiding us. It's just up to us to actually look up to God and take his hand.
REALITY SLAPS ME IN THE FACE
I am going through a rough time right now. It's tough but it's making me a stronger person because as a mother of two beautiful children my ONLY option is to get stronger. People have tried to take my kids away. I'll tell you one thing. You can take my money, my home, all the materialistic things I own...you will never take my kids. They are mine. And I am theirs. There's nothing more to it. If you do not approve of my motherly ways, turn around and walk away. Simple enough. You wanna be a part of OUR lives and be supportive - I welcome positivity.
With everything I've realised now, all that matters in this world are my children. Life is no piece of pie/ piece of cake when you're a parent, let alone a single one. It's also sad when you try and you try and you try to make things work out in order to keep a family together (for the sake of the kids, right?). And THEN, when you think nothing else could go wrong; when you think things can't get any worse; when you feel like your head is going to explode - the unexpected slaps you in the face. The world freezes for a moment. You look into your little globe of life and you become your bestest friend and talk with yourself and give yourself all this good advice. All of a sudden you see the righteous path and all the wrong pathes you've taken along the way. All the "Why me? Why now? Why, why, why...?" is becoming clear.
Lessons come to you in life to make you stronger. It's up to you to let that lesson seep into your core and let it become a chapter in your life. That way you carry it with you to remember. Not to dwell on. But just to remember.
The picture you see above is little Tristan Rain. He/ she is the one who slapped me :) Haha...
The timing, I thought, was WAY OFF and close to impossible. God knows why I concieved NOW after trying for a year. So! I accept it and pray He is by my side through every step of the way so that one day I will realize the whole truth and enjoy it with tranquility.
No more "why me, why now, why...?". The answer is: Fatima, Hayden, Tristan and Me! And God :)
